Homer’s Blog

Recently it was announced that Fox Sports Net North (FSN) is adding Paul Allen to some of their pre and post-game Timberwolves broadcasts.  At first blush we found that to be a puzzling addition until we reminded ourselves at how things operate here in the land of Homersota.

Paul Allen is many things to many people.  To some a talented Vikings play by play radio announcer and lingo laden sport talk radio host.  To others a self-promoting grandstander who has parlayed boot licking and hope selling to his demographic with a transparent focus on career protection and advancement. Certainly his relucatance to tell it like it is on a consistent basis has contributed to his new postition on the ”Friendly Sports Network”. 

Regarding the NBA, he does do his homework but has made numerous embarrassing predictions (in particular about his pal Flip Saunders Pistons team) that have made him look foolish. 

But ask yourself this:  Where else in America does an NBA television broadcast bring in an “expert analyst” who has never played or coached at the NBA, college, or high school level?

Knowing what players are emerging or fading is much different than someone who can break down the games match-ups, strategies, and tactics. 

Resume lacking, we can only speculate that the FSN ratings are so bad they believe a visible promotor like Paul Allen will inject some interest in a team that may end up with the worst win/loss record in NBA history.

Unfortunately, even P.A.’s enthusiasm and street-wise enunciations won’t give a boost to a dog food that no one wants to consume.

It appears that in the NBA season of our Lord 2007-2008 desperate times (at FSN) bring desperate measures.  

Given my age the past year seemed to fly by like a summer afternoon sailing on the Aegean.  I anticipated a litany of partisan behavior from the local press but could never have imagined how much material was presented. 

Some predictable:  Sid Hartman defending new Vikings coach Brad Childress like he was his own son.

Some unexpected: Jim Peterson shilling the Wolves after a bad loss.

Some ill conceived:  Jeff Dubay predicting Rondell White racking up an 80-90 RBI season. 

And others so outrageously perplexing you wonder how certain media members ever got hired:  Mike Max answering “I don’t know, you could probably tell me better than I could tell you.” when asked by Don Shelby if a sports reporter should stay unbiased.

So the question arises: Will the next twelve months simply be a repeat regarding favoritism and partiality in the press toward the home teams?

We have observed media members catching themselves prior to offering up brown nosing thoughts with “I know I’ll be called a homer”.  However, it hasn’t prevented them from revealing their partiality. Thus, if history is any indication of what the future may entail, we believe those who have compromised themselves in the past will continue to boot lick, sell hope, and give the local sports teams the benefit of the doubt. 

As a consequence, Homersota.com may have a finite shelf-life given the repetitiveness and predictability of the media’s behavior.  In the meantime, we will continue to attempt to dig up some outrageous and humorous takes and with your help put a chill on those who shill.  

Thanks to all of you who have provided material via the “Comments” link and positive feedback over the past year.  Also, we want to offer our condolences to the family of Twins broadcaster Herb Carneal.  He was a true professional who let the game come to him and did not feel the need to grandstand to promote his career.

In my travels over the centuries touting my books The Odyssey and The Iliad I have had the fortune to see how other American cities cover their local sports franchises.  In doing so, I have focused on the adjectives sports newscasters and radio talking heads use to describe players and coaches and how their approach compares to the Minnesota press.

 It should come as no surprise to anyone who has ventured outside the land of Homersota that many draw the following conclusion:  The press in Chicago, New York City, Detriot, Denver, Miami, and Los Angeles is much more reluctant to throw out definitive superlatives such as courageous, great, fantastic, and elite.  Not because on occasion they aren’t deserved, but because they understand those adjectives rarely apply.

In stark contrast you are likely to hear these words nearly everyday on KFAN, WCCO, and FSN.

Recent Examples:

-Gardenhire is an elite manager (Dubay)

-Mason is an elite coach (Allen)

-The Vikings’s secondary could be elite (Dubay)

-Morneau’s defense is fantastic (Allen)

-Childress is a great coach (S. Hartman)

-Radke is courageous to be pitching (S. Hartman and Walters)

In particular the word elite is thrown around in such a casual and misguided manner that it has become meaningless.  Do informed followers of Big Ten football really believe Coach Glen Mason is elite?  If these depictions were accurate, wouldn’t fans have purchased Super Bowl, Rose Bowl, or World Series tickets at sometime in the past decade?

The next time the Minnesota press uses complimentary adjectives ask yourself if their use is appropriate or simply hyped-up boot licking.

Webster must be spinning in his grave.

Recently Sid Hartman began the lowering of expectations for the University of Minnesota football program.  This annual ritual first began after the hype Mona, Max, Lee, Scoggins, Coach Mason, and he created prior to the disappointing 2004 season (8^th place conference finish).

Specifically, Sid responded to Erik Eskola’s question:  “How are the Gophers gonna be?” with a modest 6-6 prediction and then played the alibi card.

He moaned

“If things were normal…Maroney would stay”     

“If things were normal…Owens would play”                   

 “If things were normal…Russell would be eligible”                                     (Sid almost created his own rap)

He and other Gopher apologists want you to believe that no other Big Ten schools have players declaring early for the NFL (Ohio State DB’s Donte Whitner and Ashton Youboty), have career ending injuries, or flunk out of school.Going in to the head coaches tenth season what should be normal? If things were normal:•The non-conference schedule would have a Cal-Berkeley caliber opponent every year

Believe it or not there will come a day when Sid Hartman is no longer actively working as a sports writer and radio guest in this market. That is not our hope nor do we intend to be morbid, however at some point he will retire.

When absent from out immediate consciousness a void will be left that many assume will be filled by his quasi protégé - one Mike Max. Although college educated and not an active newspaper writer, on the surface “Maxie” possesses many of the same characteristics that made Sid the “Homer” we have come to love (and loathe): Minnesota born and bread, hard worker, lover of sports, deferential to all local sports personalities, and works for the same organization.

So isn’t it a slam dunk that Mr. Max will easily transition into the minds of sports fans without skipping a provincial beat?

Yes and No (that sounded like a Mark Rosen response).

Certainly Max is likely to replace Sid in many of his past roles. These include WCCO’s Sunday morning Sports Huddle, weekday morning sports recaps, and generally gad flying about town interviewing athletes, coaches, and management for material. However he is not comfortable confronting callers, name dropping, grandstanding, and making predictions that seldom come true. Not to suggest Max is a non-homer, however his style is less abrasive and he represents himself in public with a steady demureness.

So who you ask is the real successor to Sid’s thrown?

An individual that meets the following criteria:

•A media member without a journalism degree (like Sid)
•Someone without a college degree of any kind (like Sid)
•Works on the radio (like Sid)
•A fairly large ego (like Sid)
•Loves to grandstand and be in the spotlight (even more than Sid)
•Loves kissing up to the local coaches (like Sid)
•Notorious name dropper (like Sid albeit a little more subtle)
•Habitually makes foolish predictions in favor of the home teams (like Sid)
•More concerned with being part of the “in crowd” than making honest assessments of that crowd (like Sid)

The focus of this coronation: Prince Paul Allen

Beyond the list above, what crystallized this choice was the similar manner in which they speak of relationships. Sid is well known for purporting to have good relationships with virtually any sports personality he meets (his “close personal friends”). Paul Allen has often been heard declaring, “He has become a good friend of mine” when describing his connection to a player or coach.

That is a distinction without a difference.

Although Sid has shined up and apologized for thousands during his career, there are moments when he sets down the bottle of “Homer Soda” and reveals a side that is refreshingly blunt. This is in stark contrast to many of his local media colleagues that are afraid, unwilling, or simply unable to put down the local teams talking points.

We can only hope his real successor (Prince Paul) will also have moments of unbias thought.